I have a confession to make, but first a little background information. I started working at Barnes and Noble in June. Once school started and it became obvious that I couldn't keep working 40 hours a week and take classes full time I switched to seasonal employment. I started back this week after graduating last weekend.
Anyway, somehow back when I first started working there, I got a reputation of sorts of being a little flaky and stupid. I'm not sure how this happened, probably a combination between my gullibility (which is a characteristic I only have when working at B&N, because you never know if the managers demands are serious or not because they're always unreasonable and ridiculous it seems) and the cheerful, upbeat persona I adopt when I'm there. And yeah, I say stupid things sometimes on accident, but who doesn't? (As an example, the other day I said "reindeers" instead of "reindeer" for the plural--sue me)
Heres the thing: it started out on accident, but now that I'm aware of my reputation (or what I feel is my reputation--no one has called me a dumbass to my face yet), I've started playing to it a little. I really don't care if my coworkers at Barnes and Noble think I'm an idiot--in fact, I'd rather not let them get that close to me. I mean, they're nice people and all, but it's not like I'm forming lifelong relationships here--when I leave I'll probably never talk to any of them again.
So I was thinking about this situation this morning and for some reason I found myself comparing mysef to Jessica Simpson in this situation. She has a reputation for being stupid, but I've also heard that she was putting on an act for her television show and now she's kind of stuck with that reputation. I have a feeling that no matter what I'll be stuck with this reputation at B&N but at least the people who really matter know I'm not stupid. And at least, unlike Jessica Simpson, it's just a handful of people at the local bookstore in northwest Georgia and not the whole world. The only time it really bothers me that they think I'm stupid is when I say something intelligent and they look at me like, "where did that come from?" Or when I was telling some of my coworkers that I'm going to get a Ph.D. and that I applied to Princeton and Cornell and I can tell they're thinking that there's no way in hell I'd make it in to any of those places. Maybe I'm overanalyzing things, maybe they don't think I'm as much as an idiot as I think they do. Maybe I care more than I let myself believe. But like I said, I'm not sure I want to let the people at Barnes and Noble in that much.
Oh well, just something that's been on my mind.
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